Today 12/20/2019

I woke up to Geoff’s alarm, 5am. I look at the clock, I feel rested. I slept well, fell asleep at 1130 or so. I recognize the existence of every feeling I’ve ever experienced, all in one. I don’t know if this is part of the awakening but I refuse the feeling of being controlled. I rebuke the evil and welcome glory. In God I will find salvation.

I am being forced to choose between the living And the non living. This is awake? I am awake to control I’m under. I feel like I’m in the Truman show. Sounds crazy but I feel like I’m an exhibit, for persecution by society or the power which controls all. I chose this, so I must remain. The elite, powerful and money hungry.


I am almost shaken over the idea of religion and faith. Is everything a lie? Life is obscure sometimes and we’re placed here to unscramble the mystery. Today the focus is on the Jews. I’m paranoid they would say. I’m just being, not allowing others or my own judgement to obscure my thoughts.

Why the Jews came into my mind during my time of awakening is beyond me. I have never in my life worried or disliked a specific group of people.


Today I am… That which is happiness is in me. That which is love remains in me, all of everything and everyone is me. The gift given, the pain remains, I escape it momentarily.

Went to the mall and made 2 people smile. I’m happy.

Look people in their eyes, how do they feel? Are they ignoring you, are they being nice, smiling? Are they easy to talk to? They are a reflection of how you see yourself, make them happy no matter what. At least don’t make them mad, no point.


slept all day, up all night. All things appear to me in the form of electrical charges. Positive and negative. Still mad at Jews for holding capital over the banks and all of money. I do not like the rich get rich and the poor get poorer.


I meditated to an awakening video that really challenged me and all my feelings. Prior to this, paranoia kicked in. Paranoid about Jews, and thought my parents were in on the whole scheme. I could see it but couldn’t change it seemed like. I had an understanding of reality and who I am. All feelings experienced were vast and quick. I posted so much on fb during this time. I learned a lot and now I feel better.


I can connect reality to all things. I attempted to go to church but felt a connection to my being and the idea that maybe I AM. I feel slightly “crazy” as my brain searches for all possible explanations. All events are happening at once, I have chosen to place myself in this one, as I AM.

To quote scripture, “Jesus died so we may live on earth. He died for our sins.” If I allow Jesus to die in my heart, won’t I lose love in my heart?” What if Jesus is just a metaphor or an excuse for people to live in sin. Falling pray to society and the order of the governing body which lights a path to continued greed, poverty, and unbalanced power. I understand why it is This way and I know I can change it, but God loves people and wishes to keep people living. Jesus was born today? If he was only a metaphor, then I’m believing a story told by those around me, those whom I create into being. I just thought about that though and imagined someone thinking or looking at me crazy in the future. Doubt came to mind on all levels. This is how conditioned my brain is.

An awakening is consciousness becoming aware of itself as consciousness. That is an extremely out of body experience. I felt like I was going to lose it. I felt the Holy Spirit speak through me, to others as well as to me. Recognizing myself as spirit and my ego as my body self. 2 brains I suppose. Spirit is lightweight and loving, ego is selfish and greedy. But what if selfish and greedy was necessary for short duration, to allow for adjustment in life situations.

Resting in bed all day, unable to move. Ive returned to sin and cannot remove myself from myself. I feel dead and life as Luci is over.


My mind is back to me. The Illuminati attempted to contact me via mail and email. I believed they were real and now I feel stupid. Lol I guess going through the awakening process made me a little suggestible.

I realized that no matter how I felt, if I remained that way too long, I desired for the old feeling to return. Be careful what you wish for.


I’ve returned to the physical world of “normality”. My spiritual awakening was beyond words, but needed to be experienced. Amazing to say the least. I feel more aware of myself, and all things around me. The experience feels like a distant memory or quite possibly a dream. The possibility of being enlightened felt like an ocean wave reaching shore momentarily to clean the shore and return to its place of comfort. I’m grateful for the experience and will call upon the experience for many years to come. The divine within me can be heard and is stronger than any outside force. All we need is within us the moment we awaken.

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